


Mean Emos

by Thatsamazingphil



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M, Multi, joshler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 05:30:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7605439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatsamazingphil/pseuds/Thatsamazingphil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Bandom Mean Girls parody]</p>
<p>Tyler Joseph is about to start high school for the first time.  But it's a lot more difficult than he would have thought, especially when the most popular group in school wants him of all people to join their friend group.  He's definitley not ready for all the drama of high school.</p>
<p>[I own nothing]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE  
I suppose it's normal for parents to cry on their child's first day of school. But this crying usually occurs when the child's about five...I'm sixteen and my parents are crying over my first day of school. Until today, I was homeschooled. Now maybe you're thinking that homeschooled kids are freaks or overly religious, but my family's totally normal. Except for the fact that both my parents are zoologists.  
We've spent the last fifteen years in Africa. But then my mom got offered a job at Northwest University and it was goodbye Africa, hello high school. I had a great life in Africa: lots of friends, lots of time to practice my music, and a lot of free time. But I'll be discovering that I'll be giving up almost all of that this year.  
"Bye!" I waved to my parents as I wandered towards the school. "I'll see you after!"  
"Make sure you tell us all about it-Tyler!"  
I jumped backwards with a gasp as a giant, yellow school bus flew past me. I stood stock still for a moment, my heart still pounding from the close encounter, before turning back to my parents.  
"I'm okay," I sent them a small smile. "I'm okay."  
I checked both sides of the street carefully before tying to cross again. I hurried through the hallways, my eyes glued to my schedule as I tried to find the right classroom. Finally, I made it to the right door and stumbled inside the room, my eyes scanning the area for any open seats. My eyes quickly landed on a girl with short, blue hair and I wandered towards her, intent on making friends.  
"Hi!" I smiled. "I don't know if anyone told you about me. I'm Tyler, I'm new here."  
The girl didn't even glance up from her notebook. "Talk to me again and I'll kick your ass."  
"O-Oh."  
I hurried away from here and was about to sit down in the first empty seat I could find when I was stopped by a boy with dark hair and bright eyes.  
"You don't wanna sit there," the boy informed. "Dallon Weekes' girlfriend is gonna sit there."  
Sure enough, before I even had time to respond, a girl had collapsed in the seat and attached her lips to the lips of the body next to her. I moved onto the next seat but was once again stopped by the same boy.  
"He farts a lot."  
I took a few steps backwards, scanning the room for anymore open seats.  
"Hey everyone!"  
I cried out in surprise as I ran into someone and quickly spun a round to find my new music teacher staring at his now empty coffee cup in disappointment.  
"Ohmygod!" I exclaimed. "I'm so sorry!"  
"It's alright," he sighed. "I'm just bad luck."  
He grabbed the bottom of his coffee-soaked sweater, pulling it over his head. Unfortunately the coffee made the T-Shirt underneath stick to the sweatshirt. And what was even more unfortunate was the fact that a red haired man who I vaguely recognized from the one time I'd met him as Principle Hurley entered the room at that moment.  
"Mister Trohman?"  
"My T-Shirt came up didn't it?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Fantastic..."  
Mister Trohman pulled his T-Shirt back down, his cheeks slightly pink and an unhappy huff escaping his lips.  
"How was your summer?" asked the principle.  
"I got divorced," stated Mister Trohman.  
"My carpal tunnel came back."  
"I win."  
"Yes you do," nodded Principle Hurley. "Alright, well, I just wanted to let everyone know that we have a new student joining us. He just moved here all the way from Africa. Tyler Joseph. Where are you Tyler?"  
I almost considered not answering. This day was already going badly and I didn't want even more attention, but I also didn't want to piss off the principle on the first day.  
"I-I'm right here."  
"Ah-Hello," smiled Principle Hurely.  
"Welcome," nodded Mister Trohman.  
And then there was silence. But not just any silence, awkward silence. The kind of awkward silence that makes you wish you could drown in the floor.  
"I'm from New Jersey."  
"Great..."  
"And thank you, Principle Hurley," Mister Trohman said awkwardly.  
"Of course. And if you ever need anyone to talk to..."  
"Okay. Maybe some other time when shirt isn't see-through."  
The first day of school was a blur. A stressful, surreal blur. I got in trouble for the most random things and adults were always yelling at me for almost no reason. And the students weren't any easier. They all already had their own cliques and weren't looking for new friends.  
I had a lot of friends in Africa, but so far none in high school.  
~*~*  
"Is that your natural hair color?"  
"Um-Yeah."  
"It's beautiful."  
"Thank you."  
"I guess you could say it's...beautiphil."  
The boy spun around to face his friend, who was looking dead inside. His friend rolled his eyes before holding out his hand for me to shake.  
"This is Dan, he's almost too gay to function."  
"Oh-Um-Hi," I waved awkwardly.  
"And I'm Phil."  
I smiled widely at the friends. "Oh-Um-Do you guys know where the G building is?"  
Dan and Phil shared a look before leaning over to peer at my schedule.  
"I think that's in the back building," murmured Dan.  
"Yeah, the back building," Phil nodded in agreement. "Don't worry, we'll take you there."  
I let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks."  
Each boy grabbed one of my arms, pulling me through the crowded hallway.  
"Watch out! New meat coming through!"  
I couldn't help but sigh in relief when we finally escaped the building. I didn't exactly enjoy being trapped in crowded areas.  
"Why're you taking such an advanced music class?" Dan asked with an over-dramatic gasp as he scanned my schedule.  
I shrugged. "I like music. I'm good at it. It's the same in every country."  
Dan stopped to process what I had just said before staring at me with sparkling eyes. "That's beautiful."  
I grinned widely. I tore my gaze away from the taller male, frowning when I realized we were standing in the middle of a field with no sign of the G building in sight. When I questioned the boys about the whereabouts of the building, they just shrugged.  
"It burned down awhile ago," Phil told me.  
I glanced around nervously, realizing I was about to skip class on my second day of high school.  
"Won't we get in some sort of trouble for this?" I wondered, anxiously.  
"Why would we get you in trouble?" Phil smiled. "We're your friends."  
I knew it was wrong to skip class, but Phil said we were friends and I really wasn't in a position to pass up friends. I guess I'll never know what happened in that first day of health class.  
"Why didn't they just keep homeschooling you?" asked Phil.  
"They wanted me to get socialized," I shrugged.  
"Oh you'll get socialized all right," chuckled Dan.  
"What're you talking about?" I frowned, suddenly feeling self-conscious.  
"You're a regulation hottie," sighed Dan.  
"A what?" I furrowed my eyebrows.  
"Just own it," shrugged Phil.  
Before I could ask anymore questions, Dan was gasping over-dramatically (something he apparently did often) and pointing at the gym class that had just appeared on the other end of the field.  
"Holy shit, will you look at Gerard Way's gym clothes?" Dan exclaimed.  
"Of course the entire trinity is in P.E. together," Phil said, rolling his eyes.  
"Who are the trinity?" I wondered.  
"They're teen royalty," Phil informed me. "That one there's Brendon Urie. He's one of the dumbest people you will ever meet. Dan sat next to him in English last year."  
"He asked me how to spell 'tragedy'," Dan smirked, making me chuckle.  
"That one is Patrick Stump," continued Phil. "He's really rich because his dad invented the toaster strudel."  
"Patrick Stump knows everyone's business. That's why he's always wearing hats, that's where he keeps the secrets," whispered Dan.  
"And evil takes a human form in Gerard Way," finished Phil. "Don't be fooled, because while he may seem like your typical selfish, back-stabbing, slut. But in reality he is so much more than that. He's the queen bee. He's the star. The other two are just his workers."  
"He always looks fierce," Dan said. "He always wins Spring Fling King."  
"Who cares?" scoffed Phil.  
"I care!" snapped Dan. "Every year, the seniors throw this dance for the underclassmen, called the Spring Fling. And whomever is elected Spring Fling King and Queen automatically are elected head of the Students Activity Committee. And sense I am an active member of the Students Activity Committee, I would say yeah, I care."  
"Dan, you truly have out-gayed yourself," sighed Phil.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO  
"Here. This is your map to the high school."  
Phil stuffed a crudely drawn map into my hands and I barely had time to say anything before Phil was continuing with his explanation.  
"Where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial, because you've got everybody there. You got your freshmen, preps, JV jocks, varsity jocks, YouTube nerds, unfriendly hotties, those who eat their feelings, emos, desperate wannabes, sexually active bands geeks, the best people you will ever meet-"  
"A.K.A. us," Dan interrupted.  
"And the worst," Phil continued. "Beware of the trinity."  
~*~*  
"Hey, we're doing a lunch time served of some students. Do you mind asking some questions?"  
"Um..." I stared awkwardly at the boy in front of me. "Sure. Okay."  
"Is your muffin buttered?"  
"Um..." I shuffled my feet awkwardly, feeling my face heat up. "Sorry?"  
"Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?"  
"My-My what?"  
"Is he bothering you?"  
I spun a round-nearly spilling my lunch tray-to come face to face with none other than the trinity. Of course.  
"Pete, why are you such an asshole?" huffed Gerard.  
"I'm just being friendly," frowned Pete, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.  
"You were supposed to call me last night," hissed Patrick.  
"Pete, you cannot come to a party at my house with Patrick and then scam on some poor, innocent boy right in front of us a few days later," pouted Gerard. "He's not interested. Look, do you want to have sex with him?"  
I could feel my cheeks becoming redder as everyone's gaze was suddenly fixed on me.  
"N-No thank you," I mumbled, staring down at my feet.  
"Good, so it's settled," smirked Gerard. "You can go now. Bye, Peter."  
Pete grumbled a long string of insults under his breath as he stormed away. I made to do that same (Leave, not insult anyone. Wouldn't that be a terrible thing to do on my second day?), but I was quickly stopped by Gerard insisting that I sit down. And I honestly didn't know whether to be flattered or terrified.  
I glanced towards Dan and Phil, who were sending me confused looks and motioning for me to come over.  
"seriously, sit down," smiled Gerard.  
"But-"  
"Sit down," insisted Gerard.  
And if there's one thing I don't like, it's confrontation, so I quickly did as I was told and smiled nervously at the three boys across from me.  
"Why don't I know you?" wondered Gerard.  
"I-I'm new," I explained. "I just moved here from Africa."  
"What?"  
"I used to be home-schooled," I said.  
"Wait. What?"  
"My mom. taught me at home..." I trailed off awkwardly.  
"No, no, no. I know what homeschooled is," Gerard scoffed. "I'm not stupid. But you've never actually been in a real school before?"  
I shook my head.  
"Shut up. Shut up!"  
"I-I didn't say anything..." I mumbled.  
"Homeschooled...That's really interesting," beamed Gerard.  
"Um-Thanks," I smiled awkwardly.  
"But you're like really cute," smirked Gerard.  
"Oh! Thanks," I replied, my smile growing wider.  
"So you agree?"  
"What?"  
"You think you're cute."  
"Oh. I-I guess?"  
"Ohmygod. I love your bracelet," gushed Gerard. "Where did you get it?"  
"My mom made it for me," I informed.  
"It's adorable," smiled Gerard.  
"It's so fetch," grinned Patrick.  
"What's fetch?" I asked, timidly.  
"It's like slang in England," Patrick explained.  
"So if you're from Africa, why are you white?" wondered Brendon.  
"Ohmygod! Brendon, you can't just ask people why they're white," Gerard quietly scolded his friend. He turned back to me a second later, smiling brightly. "Can you give us some privacy for just, like, one second? Thanks."  
I nodded and the trinity leaned away, whispering. I awkwardly fiddled my thumbs, my eyes darting around the cafeteria until they landed on Dan and Phil again, who were whispering to each other while still shooting me confused glances.  
"Okay!"  
My eyes snapped back to Gerard as the three boys sat back down.  
"You should know we don't do this a lot. So this is, like, a huge deal," Brendon smiled.  
"We want to invite you to have lunch with us for the entire week," grinned Patrick.  
"Oh. I-It's okay-"  
"Coolness!" beamed Gerard, jumping to his feet as the school bell rang. "So we'll see you tomorrow."  
"On Wednesday, we wear eyeliner," Patrick smiled.  
~*~*  
"Ohmygod! You have to do it!" Phil exclaimed. "And then you have to tell us all the horrible things Gerard says."  
"Gerard seems sweet," I murmured.  
"Gerard Way is not sweet!" seethed Phil, the sudden change in demeanor making me jump. "He's an evil, kiss ass, whore you ruined my life!"  
"She's fabulous, but she's evil," Dan sighed.  
"Why do you hate him?" I wondered.  
"What do you mean?" frowned Phil.  
"Gerard. You seem to really hate him," I pointed out.  
"I do...what's your point?"  
"I was wondering why."  
"Gerard started this rumor that-"  
"Dan!" Phil cried, turning to his friend with wide-eyes. "Please! Can we not?" Phil sighed, running a hand through his hair, as he turned around to face me again. "Look, this isn't about me hating him. I just think it would be a fun little experiment if you were to hang out with them and then tell us everything they say."  
"What do they even talk about?" I wondered, wrinkling my nose.  
"Hair products," shrugged Phil.  
"Chris Pratt," Dan blurted.  
I flailed my arms helplessly. "Is that a band?"  
"Oh...you poor soul..." breathed Dan.  
"Can you please just do it?" begged Phil.  
"Fine," I huffed. "Do you have anything pink?"


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE  
I was more than a little relieved by the time I got to music class. I'm good at music, I understand it. Absolutely nothing could mess me up.  
"Hey, can I borrow a pencil?"  
Except maybe the cute boy in front of me.  
I've only ever had one other crush in my life. Her name was Jenna. We were ten...needless to say it didn't work out (although we were still friends). But this crush hit me like a big, yellow school bus.  
"Tyler. What do you think?" I could barely even hear Mister Trohman over my love-struck thoughts.  
He was just "So cute...Oh! I-Um-I mean the high G cord."  
"That's right," smiled Mister Trohman and I couldn't help but sigh in relief as I realized people didn't hear my slip-up.  
~*~*  
"Hey! How was your second day?" asked dad with a smile.  
"Fine," I shrugged.  
"We're people nice?" wondered dad.  
"No," I immediately answered.  
My parents shared a worried look.  
"did you at least make friends?" questioned dad.  
I nodded slowly. "Yeah."  
~*~*  
Have lunch with the trinity was like leaving the actual world, and entering high school world. And high school world had a lot of rules.  
"You can't wear the same T-Shirt in the same week."  
"And you an only wear a tank top once a week."  
"And we only wear track pants and sweats on Friday."  
"If you break any of these rules you can't sit with us during lunch," Brendon said. "I mean, not just you, but any of us! Like, if I were wearing sweats today, I would be sitting over there with the emos. Oh! And we always take a vote before we invite someone to sit with us at lunch. Because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group. I mean, you wouldn't buy a shirt without asking your friends if you it looked good on you first."  
"I wouldn't?" I frowned.  
"Right," nodded Brendon. ""Oh! And it's the same with crushes. You might think you like someone, but you could be wrong."  
"A hundred and twenty-eight calories of fat," murmured Gerard, staring at the packet of food in front of him. "What percent is that? I'm trying to only eat low fat foods."  
Brendon and Patrick shrugged, obviously stumped on the math problem, while I shook my head apologetically.  
Gerard huffed. "Whatever. I'm getting a protein bar."  
"So," grinned Patrick as Gerard flounced away. "Have you seen anyone you think is cute yet?"  
"Well, there is this one guy in my math class," I admitted.  
Patrick and Brendon gasped.  
"Who is it?"  
"Is it a senior?"  
"His name is Josh Dun."  
The two boys in front of me gasped loudly.  
"No!"  
"No, no!"  
"You can't like Josh Dun," gasped Patrick. "That's Gerard's ex-boyfriend. They went out for a whole year and Gee was devastated when he broke up with him."  
"I thought Gee dumped Josh for Frank Iero," frowned Brendon.  
"Regardless!" snapped Patrick. "Ex-boyfriends are off limits. that's just, like, the rules of friendship. But don't worry, we won't tell Gee what you said. It'll be our little secret."  
~*~*  
Even though I wasn't allowed to like Josh. I could still look at him, right? And I could think about him. And talk to him?  
As class ended and students started to scramble out of the doors, I hurried forward and reached out to tap Josh on the shoulder.  
"Hey, Jo-"  
"Hey! You're the new kid, right?"  
I sighed as Josh disappeared out of the door. I guess that was just God's way of telling me that no, I couldn't talk to him. I turned to face the boy in front of me, forcing a small smile onto my lips.  
"Yeah, I'm Tyler."  
"I'm Ryan Ross. Look, my band and I want to participate in the school's Battle of the Bands this year. I heard you singing earlier and you're pretty good and if we have a vocalist we'll be twice as likely to win. So you should think about joining."  
"Oh, yes, you'd be perfect for the band," beamed Mister Trohman.  
"Mister Trohman is the one who set up our band," smiled Ryan.  
"Oh, well, I would love to join your band," I grinned.  
"Awesome!" exclaimed Ryan. "Let me give you my card."  
And that was probably the last thing I expected to hear, because who has a business card for their band?  
"Cool. I'll think about it," I smiled before jogging out the door.  
I burst out of the front doors right as a car pulled up, the window rolling down to reveal the trinity.  
"Get in loser, we're going shopping!" shouted Gerard.  
Gerard was kind of like the Barbie doll I never had. I had never seen someone so glamorous.  
"So how do you like high school?" asked Gerard as we wandered aimlessly through the mall.  
I shrugged. "It's fine. This guy gave me a card for his band. I might join."  
"Was it Ryan Ross?" blurted Brendon.  
"You can't join Ryan's band," Gerard gasped. "It's social suicide."  
"Why?" I frowned.  
"It just is," insisted Gerard. "Just trust us."  
"Damn, you're so lucky you have us to guide you," sighed Brendon.  
"Ohmygod! is that Pete?" cried Patrick.  
And, sure enough, there was Pete Wentz, standing only a few feet away.  
"And he's with you brother, Gee!" whined Patrick.  
"I heard they're going out," said Brendon.  
"No. He cannot blow you off like that," scoffed Gerard.  
he whipped out his phone, quickly dialing before pressing the cell phone to his ear.  
"Hi dad," he answered in an overly-perky voice. "So I'm at the mall and I was just wondering why Mikey was going into planned parenthood?" I could hear muffled voices from the other end of the phone call. "Yeah, he had one other person there, this really fat girl." moe muffled voices. "Okay. Bye. Love you, dad!"  
Gerard hung up before stuffing his phone in his pocket and watching as his brother received the angry phone call.  
"He's not dating anyone," smirked Gerard.  
"Okay, that was so fetch," Patrick said.  
~*~*  
"Wow," I breathed. "Your house is really nice."  
"I know, right?" smiled Gerard. "Dad! We're home!"  
A moment later a man. who I assumed was Gerard's dad came around the corner. "Heyyy! How are my favorite teenagers?"  
"Dad, this is Tyler," Gerard introduced me.  
"Hello. I'm Gerard's dad."  
"Nice to meet you Mister-"  
"Oh, none of that mister shit. Just call me Billie Joe."  
"Oh-Um-Okay."  
"Now, if you need anything, just ask," smiled Billie Joe. "Don't be shy. There are no rules in this house. I'm not like a regular dad, I'm a cool dad."  
"We'll be in my room," announced Gerard and a moment later I was being dragged through the house and into a large room.  
"This is your room?" I gaped.  
"It was my parents room, but I made them trade me," shrugged Gerard.  
"Hey, put on the radio," Brendon suggested.  
"Tyler, do you even know who sings this?" asked Gerard as music filled the room.  
"Um...The Spice Girls?" I tried.  
Gerard giggled. "I love him. He's like a martian."  
"Ugh. My hips are huge," huffed Patrick, who was pouting in front of the mirror.  
"Oh, please, I hate my calves," groaned Brendon as he walked over to stand next to his friend.  
"At least you don't have the skinniest legs to literally ever exist," grumbled Gerard.  
I used to think there was just fat and skinny. But apparently there's a lot that could be wrong with your body.  
"My hairline is weird."  
"My pores are huge."  
"My nail beds suck."  
And suddenly they were all staring at me and I was panicking because I didn't know how to answer. I had never really thought about it.  
"I-Um-I have really bad breath in the morning?" I muttered.  
"Gross," whispered Brendon.  
"Hey! I made you guys snacks!" chirped Billie Joe as he burst through the doors.  
The friends stumbled over a thank you as they each took one of the drinks. I, however, was more hesitant.  
"Does this have alcohol in it?" I wondered.  
"Oh god no! What kind of father do you think I am‽" scoffed Billie Joe. He quickly lowered his voice to add, "Why? Do you want some? If you're gonna drink, I'd rather you do it in the house."  
"Ah-N-No thank you," I mumbled, sipping the apparently non-alcoholic drink.  
"Okay,". smiled Billie Joe. "So what have you guys been up to? What's the hot gossip? Tell me everything."  
"Dad," hissed Gerard. "You should go fix your eyeliner."  
"Okay," shrugged Billie Joe. "You kids keep me young."  
Gerard sighed as Billie Joe wandered out of the room, remembering to close the goddamn door behind him.  
"Ohmygod!" exclaimed Brendon as he pulled a bright pink book out of the shelf. "Remember this?"  
"Our burn book!" gasped Patrick.  
"We cut people's pictures out of the yearbook and then wrote comments about them," explained Gerard proudly.  
"Dallon Weekes is a grotsky little biotch," read Brendon.  
"Still true," snorted Gerard.  
"Spencer Smith is a fat virgin."  
"Still half true," smirked Gerard.  
"Tyler Oakley made out with a hot dog," chortled Brendon.  
"Phil Lester," Patrick said, pointing to another page. "A straight emo."  
"Dan Howell. We didn't say much about him," sighed Brendon.  
"I heard he's almost too gay to function," I blurted.  
"That's funny," Gerard nodded. "Put that in there."  
My eyes widened in panic. What if that was only okay when Phil said it? I couldn't afford to piss off my only friends.


End file.
